What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What do you mean son?

What! how could you do that?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What is the difference between heaven and heavens?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Will my 9 year old face more difficulties than most girls her age if she’s an early bloomer? My daughter already needs regular B cup bras. The doctor says that my daughter will be even more developed by 11-12 years of age.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Has a cop ever said something to you which was completely unexpected?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

True - how I loved my mum!

Isn’t freedom of speech and expression an absolute right?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Why am I losing interest to get a job and to all my desires because of this spiritual awakening? How do I get through life because of it?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.